I am a bunny rabbit

There is something somewhat irritating about constantly hearing a language you do not understand. This, however, makes for some interesting events. Like the other day;  I was in my room talking to a friend on skype and there is a knock on my door. Open. Look. Girl. Asian. Small. Want?

vegemite. She wanted vegemite. Or something related to “vegemito”. I don’t know how much she understood of my attempts to explain to her that not only do not posses vegemite but I have never even tasted it. She changed from polite to panicky when my friend (overhearing our conversation from skype) burst into laughter. Panic see because she felt like she was interrupting me, which she was. She left without any vegamito. I may procure some from the holyland (the real holyland, not the one with the wars and no natural resources)

Its funny – in Australia some people look at me as a foreigner and overseas people see me as Australian. And all i want is some kangaroo meat…

Went to an event called “connecting the world”. First hour was gesture games. I have, unfortunately, become all too familiar with this strange foreign initiation ritual. For those of you who do not know what I mean imagine a group of overexcited tiny Asians herding me in loud squeaky voices  to form a circle amongst fellow humans. The poster indicated there will be a circle of people of all colours holding hands while standing, larger than life, surrounding our beloved globe. Instead I stood in a circle amongst people all looking very different then me and very similar to each other not understanding them, half the instructions (as the cheering from the fanatic hoards blocked out the English explanation following the Japanese one) and the purpose of my pain.

Now I must imitate a rabbit. If only it was so simple. I must memorise and mimic the actions of all the people before me in the circle while saying their names while doing the actions of the animals they were told to mimic. After imitating an elephant, some bird and possibly a mute Asian on fire I got to experience being a full grown man stomping on the ground as a rabbit does while saying RA-ZI.  With my final shred of dignity eliminated when I saw the kitchen cooks laughing at us I heroically planned my escape. In my defence it was 2pm and the event was scheduled to end at 5.

Unfortunately I had given my new masters of pain my wallet and phone as I was concerned they might fall out of my pockets if physical activity was to be done. After an hour of group competition of throwing a ball in a cup i saw my chance to escape when a ten minute break was called for. I politely and nonchalantly got my items and scurried out of there like a cockroach in the light.

less depressingly I found a possible source of Kangaroo meat. An American who sells and ships meats on the internet in Japan also sells roo. Including tails. Until that messiah arrives I, heroically; once again, bought some local foodstuffs. Specifically a small black octopus, a large pink one and a fish. One out of three was tried tonight and was actually quite good.

last night was odd.  “Tarikikee party” they called it. The basic idea is that you take a machine  that looks like a cookie platter with more holes but smaller that is also capable of cooking the foods in said holes. Then you make half of it normal Tarikikee and half of it is filled with anything from Pepper to lemon to Korean spice. Then the party is based around the tenseness in the air as people eat the unknown substance in turns and then discover if pain or pleasure awaits them. The rest of that night was spent chatting with a Yemeni about how sad/ bad/ hateful/ the middle east is and how it has gotten worse.

went to the city to buy things. As a young boy I was taught a wise lesson and the first chance I get I ignore it…  Never go shopping hungry. I may actually posses too much meat atm.

saw an American girl with a silly bracelet. The silly little thing counts how many steps she takes per day and sets her “walking goals”. Possibly more hysterical, It cost 170$. Personally i think those things would work better if electric shocks were integrated as a tool of conditioning within that system but w/e. The whole thing became more amusing as her response to my amusement/ hysterical ridicule was repeatedly stating how its “from her mom”. I should try that in a political debate once: “YOUR IDEA IS CLEARLY STUPID!”  – “no it is not my friend. You see, i got it from my mom.”

I met an American guy and we talked PPE for a bit on the bus. Then we talked for 4 more hours outside of a bus. Some days I like to think that David Hume is looking down on me and smiling in approval on my work as an ambassador from the Land of Learning to the Land of Conversation.

Some of the stories I have been hearing from the Americans here about life there are bloody horrifying. First world horrifying, but still horrifying.

P.s – i saw Pokémon themed chopsticks sold with Pokémon themed chopstick holders. This looks like something i should possess.

I HAS MEAT

Humans rejoice! For I now possess meat.  sharing this glorious moment with the world is actually the main point of this post.

it was a 1.5 hour long journey down a mountain to the city of Beppu and required me to navigate heroically on animal instinct alone, because i sure can’t read the road signs. I also wish i knew what the products on offer were,  but alas…  However i now possess meat!
also –  It was a pretty mountain to walk down.

i have now stabilized my diet to consist entirely of: eggs, meat, potato + a few fruit.

its hard to describe the look of shock on the tiny Japanese girls face when, after a more minor shock at seeing me eat meat, i told her i eat meat in Australia every day.
I, on the other hand, managed to mask my shock and horror at the shape of their “vegetables” much better.

Also – you have 30min (between 10:30 and 11pm)once a week in which to take out your rubbish. Obviously you must remember to place your room number with a marker on it so they can track the rubbish back to you. (stop laughing. This is my life now)

Rice-ice-cream is a thing. Japanese commercials…. wtf. Also – you might think the west is commercialized to the point of corruption  – well, atleast we don’t have bloody radios and mini TVs sitting alongside the fish in the supermarket trying to sell you things.

Aside from this I met 2 Australians. both from Latrobe. First time meeting them – unexpected.       met a Vietnamese fellow who wants to live in Australia on day who appears to be in a perpetual state of being  hateful at China – nothing to worry about I’m sure.
enjoyed being tall some more.

Had a fire drill. It was quite lax. at the end they handed a dozen or so people fire extinguishers to practice using. Which is one way of getting people interested in safety i guess.

Unit selection is a 26hour “click war” in which “there will be winners and losers” and a Japanese fellow tried to sell us a phone for one hour during student orientation (some things never change).

had to watch a student-made video on avoiding Boy/ Girl problems like “body touch, stalking and how to respond to violence” . it was highly stupid. and i refuse to (exact quote) “not respond” in case of violence.

had a very long and difficult conversation with some Japanese girls trying to explain to them the concept of ”black humor”. There is no word for it in Japanese…
Eventually they got it by me giving an example of the Israeli comedian who said:
“the most important thing we found out in our search for the missing Malaysian plane is where Malaysia is.“

we (me, a Brazilian and a fellow from Yemen)  tried to figure out how they live with such limited human touch AND no black humor. We weren’t getting anywhere at figuring out how they get through the day until someone pointed out Japan is the world’s top at smoking, drinking and suicide.

This is however not true ( they are in the top 20 for all 3 however) But not having black humor surly can’t be healthy.

Bought a pot i now know i can’t use. Fun fact: classes start on April 9^th.

Pringle made me do it

Hello humans

My story starts in Melbourne. then Cairns, Narita Japan, then fukuoka airport, then a bus ride for 2 hours. so somehow i actually didn’t end up in Syria. however i did have the pleasure of sleeping in narita airport for my 13 hour transit.

on my way to tokyo i met a human from Brisbane. A chef, a few years back he was a small business owner with a business worth 1.5mil making him 300k a year with a Japanese wife and 2 kids. then his wife’s mental illness got worse and he slowly but surely lost everything. now he is 33 with 500$ total travailing to Japan, probably for the last time, to pick up his kids from her parents place because she is not going to recover. Also he now works in a CSG mine in Queensland feeding construction workers that are “animals” and apparently not very nice to girls.   on that optimistic note i continued into a strange land. and i do mean strange. there was a bloody hologram of a girl greeting me into narita airport.

did a lot of reading on the way (refer to facebookposts for best of) . got picked up at every security checkpoint in Melbourne and Cairns. “Totally by chance” the middle eastern looking male travelling alone thought to himself. Food in narita was horrible. Tentacles from a MRE looking bag. Yay. Ran around for a bit trying to recover my hard drive that I thought I left on the plane – it was in my bag the whole time.

enjoying  being tall and i can’t stop saying “cheers”. Did some super weak and PC friendship intro activities. met some Americans, Indians, sri Lankans and Koreans on my to uni and in uni. yet to meet any Australians or middle eastern people.  Realized how only the Americans are laughing at any of my jokes. For example: We walk up to a water fountain on the tour and she says: “this is our water fountain, it is the symbol of our uni, it not working atm.” So i said “i hope its not symbolic” – Americans got it. later enjoyed 1.5hours and a broken wire setting up internet.

strange things about said uni: all carrots sold are wrapped in plastic, milk cartons are to be washed after use, cut up and hung on a cloth line in the communal kitchen to dry out – for recycling, floor 1 is only for boys and floor five is only for girls and the other 3 are mixed. This is to accommodate people “who not want girls or boys on their floor”, to get in to dorm one needs a card. You swipe it and it lets you in by unlocking the door for 30 seconds – plenty of time for some else to waltz in – silly small people don’t get security. Big sign in the showers saying “pls do not cut hair here” – apparently thats a problem here cause barbers are expensive.

in-between contemplating what random groups in society i want off MY floor I realised that what we consider to be food and what they consider to be food can be expressed in a ven diagram of two circles kissing. I will attempt to address this later when i travel to the city to get meat. – can’t now because of a thunder warning which means everyone needs to be indoors.

lots of rules. Lots of validation of national Japanese stereotypes. OH. And i asked guide person about any problems i should be aware of. After some pressing she told me the westerners tend to think its ok to walk around with no shirt in the dorms. It is not.

feel free to post questions about my life in the middle of rural (and mountainous and foggy) japan on my facebook timeline.